Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
