So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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