we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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