Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
