Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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