OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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