Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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