yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
