I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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