I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
