that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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