things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize