i think my mom watched the whole time
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
