If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We need a shit load of segways right now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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