Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize