my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
