I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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