I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They are going to name an STD after you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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