so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are a genius and a whore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
