My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize