my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
