he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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