4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need a beard to bite.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
