How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
