Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i believe in u and ur pee
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize