But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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