that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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