Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
