You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
