textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
