He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
