Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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