i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
