i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
