Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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