He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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