We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
