Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just pynch a tree in the face
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
