I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
