The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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