It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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