Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
