she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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