Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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