Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize