i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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