Christians are straight up FREAKS
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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