a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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