he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
