evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
