Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
