So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
