last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
