Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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