I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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