Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
