she pinky promised me she was 18
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
