I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
