Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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