FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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