Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
