Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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