i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
