Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
