She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize