he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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