Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
