Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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