your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
