just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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