His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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