today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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