i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
