lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
