remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
