North Korea, Best Korea!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
