dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
