you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize