I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
