Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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