I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
