the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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