Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize