he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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