i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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