She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So much rum. So many feels.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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