What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
