Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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