I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
