you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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