I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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