I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
