If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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