it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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